A Descent of Grace: My Kundalini Journey
Little Bird, 56, Female, United Kingdom
Despite being raised by a family who had no spiritual/religious beliefs or affiliations, I always felt a divine presence. Being in nature was my way of connecting to the divine, as I knew no other way. Being sensitive/empathic/creative, has been a blessing and a curse. The ‘curse’ aspect meant that I was often viewed as ‘different’ by people around me. To make things worse, I experienced a lot of unusual paranormal phenomena as a child, which added to the feeling of ‘not fitting in’.
When I was in my 20’s a friend presented me with some photos of a recent trip to Kathmandu and the Himalayas. This created a strong emotional response in my body and a painful longing to be amongst the people (Tibetan Buddhist monks) in the place photographed. A few years later, another friend and I visited Hong Kong and Southern China, flying over the Himalayas, Tibet and India on our way to Hong Kong (Kowloon airport). As I looked down over the Himalayan landscape, I felt the same strong emotions, which made no sense to me at the time.
In 2012 my ex-partner and I went on holiday to the Canary Islands. According to my ex-partner, when I was asleep at night, I would move my body into strange positions. I later realised these were yogic postures, which I had no conscious awareness of at that time. I now understand that all these experiences were precursors to a Kundalini awakening.
In 2015/16 at the age of 48/49, I began to meditate (as a way to calm anxiety) and read mainstream spiritual literature such as ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. I instantly took to meditation and was able to get into a deep meditation very easily, eventually meditating for two hours or more a day. Meditation was the only thing that brought any relief. At around the same time I became interested in shamanism and animism and was fond of exploring ancient sites such as stone circles and earth energy systems and leylines.
In 2017, age 50, everything changed quite suddenly and permanently. One evening, as I lay down to sleep, a white light descended from above into my crown, filling my body with light, bliss and electricity. Some traditions call this a descent of grace, power, or Shakti, I later discovered. I’m not sure how long this experience lasted as I eventually fell asleep. The next day, extreme heat began to rise up my body and I felt like I was alight. Energy (or more correctly, Shakti) started to shoot up and around my body with such force. My arms/hands and legs began to shake, jerk and fix into contorted positions (kriyas/mudras). I felt like a human pinball machine for quite a while but despite many odd things happening all at once, I felt no fear. Somehow, I understood that I was safe and was being ‘spiritualised’ in some sense.
As Shakti rose to my third eye and crown chakra, I became filled with bliss and felt what could only be described as ‘oneness’ and deep love for all. This was accompanied by visions which occurred/occur during the liminal space/time between sleep and waking, with eyes open or closed. I still continue to experience visions but they are not as dynamic or frequent. Over the years, many of my visions have been of Hellenistic, Hindu, Tibetan Buddhist and Tantric divine feminine deities but none of these were of the ‘divine masculine’. Whilst Shakti visited my crown/third eye, I began to see visions of Hindu/Tibetan Buddhist/Tantric mandalas, yantras and thangkas. Although I’m not very familiar with these traditions (in this life), I sense some kind of past life connection (as previously discussed).
At around the same time, I also began seeing symbolic light language which may be what is often described as ‘twilight language’ due to it appearing at twilight. The script appeared across my field of vision from right to left resembling a long horizontal scroll (similar to ancient Tibetan Buddhist scrolls), in neon green fiery script. The next one looked like an ancient stone tablet in similar script but the tablet was presented in white (light) with black script and it flashed quickly in front of my eyes, then vanished. I did not recognise the language, but it did not look like Sanskrit. More recent examples include a neon green ‘tree of life’ (November 2023) and neon green cascading squares (1st of January, 2024). Unfortunately, I don’t know what any of this means on a personal level. All my visions are animated, multi-layered, and move rapidly, so it’s often difficult to process and recall all of the visual information.
I have noticed that the bodily movements/sensations I feel and ‘cosmic sounds’ I hear intensify during solar, lunar and cosmic events. The bodily ‘vibrations’ are more pronounced on my left side, although they seem to be more balanced nowadays. During this period my spinning chakras could be palpably felt, so much so, the motion became quite painful and I could often feel the ‘wind’ produced by my spinning ajna chakra over my face. Since 2017, I’ve experienced a lot of numerological/archetypal synchronicities and I’ve noticed that ‘themes’ change, when I change.
Shakti is currently behind my physical heart (between my shoulder blades) and has been there for 3-4 years causing a lot of pain and discomfort. She will not move despite my efforts and I’m finding it difficult to breathe (spontaneous breath retention), meditate, exercise or do other spiritual practices. Medical tests for heart and lung problems have all come back negative thankfully (at least up to now). I have entered the initiatory ‘dark night of the soul’, where vast amounts of trauma and emotional pain are being purged, but the chronic fatigue/pain is probably the most debilitating.
In late 2023, I contacted PKYC and completed a ‘three histories’ assessment to find out whether I am having a Kundalini awakening or not. They concluded that I had an ‘awakening’ in a previous life and came into this life with a Saraswati rising. Unfortunately, Shakti entered a non-culminating nadi so she must be diverted into the Sushumna nadi to complete the process. The granthis (root, heart and third eye knots) have to be open/untied for Shakti to be successfully redirected. Fortunately, my root and heart granthis opened in a past life and third eye granthi, this life. Unfortunately, I have to wait four years until I am given practices to help redirect Shakti. Apparently, most people that contact PKYC have a deflected rising of one kind or another.
More and more people are waking up every day and although the process is beautiful, transformative and a gift (very much needed in the world), it’s the most difficult experience a person can experience if the body, mind and spirit are not prepared beforehand and for many years (e.g. yoga/therapy/diet/lifestyle). This process can disrupt/deconstruct and destroy what no longer serves (relationships, finances, lifestyle and living arrangements) and health and wellbeing (at least for the first several years). Yet, there is very little support, understanding or education, especially in the West. From what I gather, many people nowadays begin their ‘spiritual path’ with a spontaneous or psychedelically induced awakening which leaves the experiencer in a state of collapse after an initial bliss experience. Nevertheless, social media continues to promote ways to ‘awaken Kundalini’ when people have no awareness of how difficult the process can be. People try to awaken Kundalini as a way to ‘fill a hole’ not knowing that the process brings up unresolved trauma, emotional wounds and everything ignored and unconscious (in this life or a previous one) so that it can be transmuted.
You can’t prevent evolution (nor should you want to) or stop it being messy (for unprepared souls), but you can provide support and education for the droves waking up and those about to follow. If we continue to rely on an overburdened archaic health system (Kundalini = mental health issue) and 3000-year-old Indian texts (only understood by lineage holders/scholars and written in Sanskrit or ‘twilight language’) for information, guidance and support, the situation is not going to improve. Fortunately, initiatives such as KundaliniAwareness.org provides a platform for experiencers to share their story and mental health professionals/researchers the oral accounts/data to improve support/education. Our responsibility as experiencers is to support organisations like KundaliniAwareness.org and play an active role in raising awareness by sharing our accounts.